After many, many months, I’ve gotten brave enough to post again.
I was so proud of myself for starting a blog- I’d wanted to for over a year! Then I got cold feet and decided I didn’t have anything to post after all.
Now (warts, wrinkles, inspiration, dumps- whatever), I’m going to go for it.
I’ve joined COMPEL, the online writer’s group. I’m listening to their sessions, working my way through all kinds of really good info. I know I need to spruce this blog up and pay attention to what I’m writing here but if I don’t “just do it”, (right now!) I’m kind of afraid I’ll lose this nice burst of bravery.
The Lord is teaching me, drawing me, pushing me. I’m pretty sure He’s rolling His eyes at me and shaking His head; He’s laughing and smiling, probably He’s even crying for me, crying with me. I’m trying so hard to change and be “good” (Yes. Grace is abundant but you have to unwrap a gift to enjoy it. So often I forget.). But I want to write to share the beauty that He is dropping into my soul during the times when I get still enough to hear His voice. I think He’s trying to teach me that He still loves me in the midst of failure. I think He’s trying to teach me that I am changing (I am letting Him change me) and that His beauty is always available even in the midst of messes.
So, in fear and trepidation, in hope that I’m changing even when I fail miserably- yet again, I’m going to share. I’m going to (try to) be bold. It’s not because I’m an expert (unless maybe I’m an expert at “failing-yet-again”), but because I hope to help at least one person, to somehow help lighten someone’s load a little. I hope to connect with others who are on the same journey. Besides, writing helps me put things in perspective.
I’m asking God how I can walk through the valley of (you name it!) and still see the beauty and truth and love and hope and encouragement of God. My “journal” has mostly been spiral notebooks filled with rants and rages, interspersed with a scripture or an encouraging quote, only to be followed by more rants and rages. But thanks be to God, I’m starting to see a bit more “good” and a bit less “bad”. Can it be change for the better?
I’m on a journey, a pathway, toward God. Sometimes I get turned around or follow a rabbit trail. Sometimes I need a portal- a port in the storm of battling against the messes of past and present. I need a shelter for a season, a safe place as I walk (trudge?) toward the Ultimate Safe Place where the Safest Person in all the universe resides. Which is weird because somewhere in my heart I know He resides inside me…
May the blessings of God track us down and overtake us, may we be aware of those blessings!