Be a Better Gatekeeper Self-Care, Week 34

Posted on by Sandy Burch

Open Gate

Did you dance your way through last week? Dancing- in whatever form you choose to pursue it- is just plain fun. Did you find it made your feel better?

This week we are looking at a big tool. Maybe we could even consider it a power tool. It might need a toolbox of it’s very own. And, for the record, I’m preaching to myself here, because I need this one a whole lot!

What is it? Be a better Gatekeeper.

Now, we know there are Gatekeepers in the Bible and at football games. There are gatekeepers at the movies and at the airport. As a matter of fact, just about everywhere you go, you’ll find a gatekeeper. The receptionist at the doctor’s office is the gatekeeper for the CNA and the CNA is the gatekeeper for the RN. The RN is the gatekeeper for the doctor and even the PCP is a gatekeeper for the specialist! There’s an entire network of gatekeepers in every office you encounter. There’s a network of gatekeepers in entertainment as well… the ticket-taker, the usher. Even eating at a restaurant, you have to go through the host or hostess to get to the wait staff, who let’s the chef know what you want to eat. Have you ever tried to approach the chef directly? I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t end too well!

The keeper of a physical gate will make sure the gate is functioning properly. Maybe it’s hinges need to be oiled. Maybe the lock is rusting and needs cleaning. Perhaps the boards that make up the gate or the supporting boards are rotting and need to be replaced. Many things go into keeping an actual, physical gate. If you do not keep the gate in physical working order, it will not keep anything out, or in. That gate will become useless and may as well not be there at all.

It seems like it’s easier to notice when someone is infringing on our physical space. But we are still the gatekeeper, the one who has to speak up and either give permission or not.

What about our spiritual and emotional gates? Same thing is true, right? Those gates need to be in good working order. Otherwise, we find ourselves overrun with unwanted influences or perhaps we are wearing ourselves out trying to keep up with the chaos that happens when the unwanted or unhealthy messes take over our “yard”.

Is someone always interrupting you? Does someone assume you’ll drop what you’re doing and listen to their problems? Do you feel “used” by people?

How does one become a better gatekeeper for oneself? It starts by paying attention to your environment and those around you.

The formal definition of “gatekeeper” is: a person whose job is to open and close a gate and to prevent people entering without permission; someone who has the power to decide who gets particular resources and opportunities, and who do not.

Do you see that? “to prevent people entering without PERMISSION; someone who has POWER to decide who gets”… through. If you are a gatekeeper, you and you alone, have the authority to grant permission to enter or deny entrance. You have the power… POWER… to provide resources or not.

You, my friend, are a resource and you do so much for so many people. But if you deplete a resource, it can no longer provide help. Ahem.

Of course, in a family or work environment especially, it’s really hard to draw a line, to set a boundary around your time and your sympathies. Your family expects you to help them when they’re in need- whatever the need is. And yes, that includes me. I expect my hubby to help- right NOW- when I can’t open a jar; or when the computer is acting wonky. We all do it. We are all perpetrators and victims of this.

As the interrupter, instead of assuming, I should ask if it’s a good time to help me. Instead of expecting a job to be done, I need to ask for it to be done.

As the one who is interrupted, I need to learn to gently say “no”, when appropriate. I need to learn to ask if it can wait and then set a time to listen carefully.

And what if I still get sideswiped by “interesting info”? What if the needful person enters the room talking about a hard situation? I can still choose whether or not this interruption will de-rail me, or if I can go back to what I was doing unscathed. I have to decide how I will let this interruption affect me.

Like I said at the beginning, I’m preaching to myself here. I still get pulled into a tangle of unwanted information or unnecessary strife. That’s not the worst of it though. Confession: I also still allow the other person’s mess upset and de-rail my own activity. THAT is what really upsets me… my own reaction to the mess! I need to pay more attention and be a better gatekeeper!

So. Please tell me your thoughts about this. Are you a good gatekeeper for your body, soul and spirit? How do you do it? While I’m handing out a little advice, I’m also looking for some too!

Thanks so much for reading. Will you add Gatekeeping to your Self-Care Toolbox? I hope you’ll share your thoughts in the comments below.

Have a good week and God bless you extra good!

 

Dance! Self-Care, Week 33

Posted on by Sandy Burch
adolescent adult black and white casual
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Hello from the middle of August!

Summer is beginning to wind down and I hope it’ll take the heat down with it.

Now that school is in full swing again, how are you taking care of yourself? I trust you are using some of the tools we’ve talked about over the past 32 weeks.

Here’s another small tool, easily stashed into the corner of our Self-Care Toolbox. It’s small but it’s oh-so-easy and lots of fun! Dance!

Yep. Dance. Dance with your spouse. Dance with your child. Dance with your friend. Dance with your pet. Dance with a pillow. Dance with yourself! Just dance! There’s no excuse to sit around and be sad or grumpy.

Put some music on. Make it lively or slow. Make it a salsa or tango. Country or classical. It doesn’t matter. Just any music will do if you enjoy it. Then, get up and move your feet, swing your hands, wiggle your hips and twirl around. It doesn’t matter if you can’t keep the beat. It doesn’t matter if you don’t do “real” dance steps. You don’t have to be like Elvis. And it doesn’t even matter if you look silly (in fact, Elvis looks pretty silly in this picture!).  Just loosen up and enjoy yourself!

Moving encourages deeper breathing and lubricates the joints. Getting extra oxygen strengthens the heart and lungs; it wakes up the brain and helps keep it young and agile. Moving increases endorphins in the brain. Moving also helps strengthen and tone up your muscles. It may even help us shed a few pounds, especially if our choice of music is lively. (And admit it, moving to fun music is much more fun than using those machines at the gym!!) Moving improves balance, which is especially important to maintain as we age. There are lots of good benefits to be had, all while having fun!

Now, of course, there’s lots of research about these and more benefits, but, for once, I won’t bore you. If you’re interested, please check it out. I’m keeping this short and sweet!

Need a suggestion to get you started? Pull up the You Tube video entitled, Every Praise, sung by Hezekiah Walker. That’ll get you moving, give you some good moves and get you praising the Lord as well! There are tons of videos and albums. Just take your pick and DANCE!

I hope you’ll try dancing as a way to relieve stress, put a little activity in your day and just plain have fun! It’s a good way to feel happy. A good way to take care of yourself.

Thanks for reading.

What do you think? Will you try dancing when you’re feeling down? How about when you are frustrated or discouraged? Please share your experience with dance. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Meanwhile, I hope you dance your way through the remainder of this week! Twirl!

Send a Handwritten Note: Self-Care, Week 32

Posted on by Sandy Burch

write a note

Hi Sweet Friends,

It’s Monday – hallelujah! Another chance to begin again. Yay!

Today we’re adding a small but powerful tool to our Self-Care Toolboxes:

Send a Handwritten Note.

Now, I can just hear you… why in the world would I take all the time and effort to do that when I can email or text so much more quickly?

As usual, I’m glad you asked! *wink*

There is research on just about every little idea ever thought and, true to form, there is research about writing handwritten notes! Sure, it might sound as bad as fingernails on a chalkboard, but it’s not really. And the benefits to both you, the writer, as well as the receiver are worth the effort.

In no particular order, here are some benefits to the sender…

  • A big benefit to you is increased feelings of happiness. Yep. Steve Toepfer, Kent State University says writing letters of gratitude helps you feel happier, more satisfied and even decreases symptoms of depression! Makes sense, right? Counting your blessings and noticing the beauty around us is always uplifting.
  • It’s classy. We don’t want to be doing things to puff ourselves up, but let’s face it, receiving a handwritten notes really increases your esteem for the sender. It’s like, “Wow, you took time to write to me! How wonderful of you!” You set yourself apart from the rest of the world. The texting/email world is slap-dash, in a hurry to move on. (Now, please. Don’t get me wrong. If you send me a text or email, I’ll appreciate that too. I appreciate it whenever or however you send me personal words.)
  • It encourages you to pause and think, to consider the other person and to voice what’s important about that person. Except in case of fire, it’s usually a good idea to pause and reflect. A pause calms your breathing and heart rate, and also focuses a racing mind.
  • It’s also a chance to improve- or show off- your handwriting skills. We can all use practice, right?
  • I don’t mean to be morbid but I’m happy that I still have a few cards from my mother, mother-in-love and friends who are no longer with me. It’s comforting to see familiar handwriting and remember good times with that person.

Now, how about some benefits to the recipient and even future generations?

  • Older friends and family (ahem) really appreciate handwritten notes. That is the sort of thing they grew up doing and tried to teach their children. It shows them particularly that you care. Plus, they can go back and read your note again and again. We all can. That is a benefit for everyone who is blessed to receive a written note.
  • It’s tradition, which goes along with the previous bullet. So much of our history has been gleaned by reading letters written between family members, or important officials. The interesting trivia of life shared through letters adds texture and color to the past generations, helping us know where we come from and the many things we hold in common.
  • To continue that thought, just look at the letters we find in museums. Somehow, those delicate pages have held together for decades, even centuries, and often give us many important words to cherish even to this day.
  • Writing a letter by hand, is evidence to your family or friend that they are important to you. They are worth the effort and time to write to them. Thereby strengthening the bond between the two of you. Besides, it’s a terrific surprise! Our snail mail is so boring nowadays. It’s filled with bills and junk advertising. We rarely get anything personal. Doesn’t it make you feel good to get even the smallest handwritten note from a friend or far-away family member? It sure makes my day!

A handwritten note is truly a gift and you cannot get much cheaper than a pretty piece of paper, a pen and a stamp. You’re giving a little piece of yourself to your recipient. Writing a note is powerful. You can encourage and inspire or even add a little spark to a romance. Tell ‘em a joke and give them something to laugh about! Send a quote or scripture that encourages you. Just let them know you are thinking about them and care.

So, let’s get started! Think about someone you appreciate and love but haven’t been in touch with for a long time.  One writer suggested thinking of what you would tell that person if you knew you would never have another chance to communicate with him/her. Write that down on any scrap of paper, just scribble it. Then find the right card. It can have a funny picture or a lovely scene. It can even be handmade (a bonus gift!!). Now simply rewrite your message onto the card, address it, put a stamp on it and know that you are about to add a lot of sunshine to the day of someone you love!

A double blessing: helping yourself while helping someone else. I’d say that’s taking good care of yourself. I’ve inspired myself to write a couple of folks!

How about you? Do you handwrite notes? Do you love to receive them? Are you going to write one? Can you think of other benefits that writing letters or notes might bring?

Please leave a comment and share your thoughts. Thanks for reading.

God bless you!

Light a Candle: Self-Care Week 31

Posted on by Sandy Burch
red lighted candle
Photo by icon0.com on Pexels.com

Hello, Friends!

We’re talking about self-care and I just would like to remind you that we could call it “Self-ownership” or “personal responsibility”. Taking care of yourself IS your responsibility. You realize that if you are worn out, sick or stressed, you will not be able to function well. You will not be able to help anyone else. Like they say, if your glass is empty, you can’t give a drink to anyone else. We don’t want to be self-centered, but we do need to take care of the Temple of God (psst: that’s you and me!)

Remember one of our first Self-Care Tools? The one about giving yourself a break? I used that tool this week! And it’s works very well at releasing pressure. Even the pressure you put on yourself! I hope you don’t mind my pushing the blog a couple of days this week.

Now, for this week’s little Self-Care Tool: Light a Candle. Simple, huh?

But what good is lighting a candle? So happy you asked! It turns out there are some lovely benefits connected with lighting a candle. Read on!

Candles have gone from utilitarian to decorative over the course of decades. They are connected with celebrations, romance, relaxation and home decor. They are warm and inviting, instantly changing the atmosphere whether inside or out.

Candles are known as soothing and healing and are often used by therapists to create a peaceful atmosphere. You don’t have to be a therapist to use candles, though.

Watching the flame of a candle is calming and even just 60 seconds- one minute- can help you de-stress after a long, difficult day.

Don’t forget aromatherapy candles! For instance, a lavender scented candle brings relaxation and is a wonderful prelude to a good night’s sleep. Or how about a lemon scent? Instant energy and relief from anxiety and depression. Did you know there are candles especially for men? That would be an outside-the-box gift for those guys who are are hard to buy for! And while we’re talking about scent, let’s not forget how easily it is to change that weird smell in your house (kitchen or bathroom?) with a neutrally scented candle. So much nicer than those heavy sprays!

Outside, citronella candles drive away the bugs. Yay!

Certain scented candles might remind us of pleasant memories and therefore help us relax or feel good. Like the scent of fir might bring back memories of a special Christmas, camping trip or a walk in the forest.

Oh yes! Once more thing… You know those cool little candles in a can? Perfect for travel and hiding the strange hotel smells.

How about those birthday cake candles? Instant celebration!

Or a candle-light dinner with your sweetie is so romantic.

Candles help us relax when meditating or soaking in worship. Candles sometimes help us remember a loved one or a special event. We also light candles to show our solidarity with others or a cause.

Here’s a cool chart to give you a place to start if you’re new to candles: